Loving kindness meditation with difficult people

 

 

Sunset meditation


The Loving Kindness, or Metta meditation is a popular practice, particularly within Buddhism, Jainism and some forms of Hinduism.

In Theravada Buddhism in particular, loving-kindness / metta is recognised as the ninth of the ten perfections cultivated on the path towards awakening or Buddhahood (Apple, 2012). As the name suggests, it is about developing friendliness, goodwill and benevolence in oneself and radiating this out towards all beings.

The main method of practicing this meditation today is as a four-stage process in which one thinks or chants something like the following:

    • May I be happy
    • May I be healthy
    • May I be safe
    • May I be peaceful

This is then repeated, but directed towards a friend (“May [friend] be happy, May [friend] be healthy” etc.), then towards a neutral person and finally towards a difficult person. By the way, this is a fairly flexible practice, so you can change the wording to something more meaningful to you.

The stumbling block for many people though, is directing loving kindness towards a difficult person. Christians may recognise this challenge as similar to Jesus explicitly instructing his followers to love their enemies, do good to those who hate them, and show mercy to those who mistreat them (Luke 6:27–36, New International Version, 2011).

However, I recently came across what I thought was a very helpful tip about this from Dave Potter, the developer of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) site, Palouse Mindfulness (https://palousemindfulness.com/). 

Here is what he said:

“One thing you might find helpful is not to start by wishing them peace and happiness, but instead begin by acknowledging the ways they are "just like me". Here's part of the meditation:
Just like me, they want to be happy and free from suffering...
Just like me, they want to be loved and be appreciated...
Just like me, their heart has been broken and they have their own hopes and dreams...
Just like me, they are doing the best they know how, given their resources and life experiences....”

And if you find even THAT is too difficult, he suggests the following:

“Even after this acknowledgment, it may still be difficult to have goodwill for someone who has hurt you or someone you care about, but for most of us, it's possible to wish the following for them:
May they learn to have compassion for others...
May they be warm, kind, and generous...
May they discover that the deepest happiness comes not from receiving but from giving...”

These two ideas seemed to me to be very helpful pieces of advice and so I commend them to you.

Thank you Dave Potter. May you be happy, healthy, safe and peaceful.
And may you, dear reader, also be happy, healthy, safe and peaceful. 😊

Selected sources

Apple, J. B. (2012, February 6). Perfections (six and ten). Oxford Bibliographies in Buddhism. https://doi.org/10.1093/obo/9780195393521-0034

Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). Zondervan. (Original work published 1978)

Key words
awakening, compassion, love, loving-kindness, MBSR, metta, peace, spiritual growth


Link 

https://herethewaking.blogspot.com/2026/10/loving-kindness-meditation-with.html 

Location: Malvern, UK

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